Cause I love you more than words can ever say....

Do you remember the days,
The days our lives were touched?
I remember your eyes,
Eyes of passion, love and tender..
That moment in time, forever young,
You made my knees go weak.

You made me dream,
Cause our love had found it's way...
You were a spirit,
Bold and beautiful..
And you made me plunge in love,
Deep and sheltered.

 Memories got etched into our souls,
I was looking for a way..
To keep the magic that you bring..
And then came the nervous wreck, not surely why...
I looked into your eyes the last time,
Everything about you I wanted to call mine.

I'd walk a thousand miles ,
And shed a million tears, 
If I could be with you..
Day after day ..
Cause I love you more than words can ever say.

It could have happened before!

How many of us have experienced déjà vu? Well, most of us would have. Getting a strong sense of déjà vu can be exciting and cause your hormones to move to a higher than normal state. That moment, where you will feel “Oh! Yeah, I knew that was going to happen” or “Holy Christ! I know that guy” or “Come on! I know this place! I have been here before” can be an experience by itself. The irony is that- you would not have truly known that it was going to happen, you would have never met that “Holy Christ” guy in your life and you would have never been to that place before. It is simply more exciting that way! Isn’t it? Welcome to the world of déjà vu.

     Sitting in an almost-empty (there were only 3 people, including me) waiting room, at a railway station, that too in a totally strange small town called gooty ( It is a beautiful  town in Andhra Pradesh, where people speak Telugu which we don’t see or hear in any Telugu movies) can be a near to deadly boring experience. I was waiting for Kacheguda express, which was scheduled to arrive at 22.28 pm and depart at 22.30 pm from gooty. I had reached the station well in advance (2 hours in advance to be precise) to avoid the last minute confusion and also because I didn’t know that place and the language (though I could read Telugu).

I had just finished eating my supper (the mandatory southern-railway- special idli vada) and was sitting like one clueless duck at the waiting hall. Slowly, my attention was diverted towards this guy, who was sitting right opposite to me (Yeah, I was fortunate to spot a young man there rather than an ageing bald man). When I saw him minutely, I could strongly tell that he resembled someone I knew real close. It was an intense thought process which I went into but I couldn’t get back to whom he resembled.

 He was wearing a stripped blue (dull blue) shirt with perfect jean to match, Levis I guess. His hair was trimmed perfectly (not too much cropped and not too stylish), it had little waves, only at the extreme ends. His eyes were blueish to some extent but they spoke innumerable words (If only I could describe them). A small stud in the left ear was the “wow” accessory. He kept tapping his foot while his red Lumia earphone was plugged on to his ears. It was Dark blue sports shoe with red colored lace. Finally there was his black color medium sized fast-track back pack. He seemed pretty rich to me.( Lets call him Lumia )

On the other hand, I was listening to the same evergreen Ilayaraja songs on my phone and was pretending as though I didn’t even know that he existed in that room (though it was obvious to the other man in that room that all my eyes were glued to Lumia. I was trying to relate his resemblance, you see).

Time passed slowly and a call broke the chilling silence of that room. Lumia answered the call and spoke to someone in Telugu (This was ‘the pakka movie Telugu’ and so I could understand). From what he blabbered over the phone I guessed it should be either his close friend or his girl because once he kept that call he started texting and was silently laughing at the texts. 

When all this was happening, I had this constant feeling that we would travel together. I felt we had travelled together before! How on earth was that even possible? I don’t know what made me think that. There were 4 trains scheduled at around the same time as that of mine and were towards Secandrabad, Bangalore, and Mumbai. The worst case was that, my ticket was waitlisted and I had very less chances of getting a confirmed berth. Amidst this hard situation, I had that thought of travelling together with Lumia (Ok, who wouldn’t expect a varanam aayiram scene in their every single train journey. If you don’t know the movie, watch this link).

So, yeah, time flew away and it was 22.25, already. Time had come for my train to arrive. No announcement was made till then and so I picked up my bags, gave Lumia my last sight (slow, melancholic back ground tune-may be) and started walking towards the station master room to enquire about the arrival timings. I was informed that train was late by 20 minutes and would at around 23.00 pm. With a little disappointment and excitement I went back to the waiting hall! YAY! And again there he was, Dear Lumia, smiling at me this time. He started the conversation in kannada “Chennai train ge wait madthidhira ?? Yaavaglu adhu late e kanri, 11 o clock ge train barodhu” (Are you waiting for Chennai train? It’s always late. It’ll come only at 11) 

Mind voice: Wow! So, he knew that I knew Kannada. How? Oh! I talked in Kannada over phone to appa. So, he listened to my conversations as well. So, he was also noticing me. YAY!! But, he speaks Kannada; he must be waiting for Bangalore train then :( 

 

I thanked him but didn’t ask him where he was headed to, simply, to shut off my train of imaginations. Soon, Announcement was made about the train and I waded away in search of my platform number and coach number. My mind still didn’t believe all this was happening. My situation two hours before was just pathetic and opposite. I had met (okay; just saw) that man few minutes back and I was feeling that I knew him all long? I asked my heart to stop ringing tunes and then came the train. I boarded S8 compartment and randomly sat in one empty berth (remember? my ticket was waitlisted). 

Guess what! Lumia was there- right opposite to me - again- in my train. I told you? Didn’t I? He started the conversation again and this time, I didn’t stop my heart from ringing. It rang loud and beautiful with Ilayaraja Background score. We indeed travelled together!  It was the picture I had in my mind. It was the timing which I had imagined. Everything was so picture perfect. It seemed so familiar yet strangely new. It felt so relieved yet so very confused. Or was it an omen just like Paulo Coelho wrote in The Alchemist “When you want something, the entire universe conspires in helping you to achieve it”

Or simply, It was déjà vu.

The official break up letter.

Disclaimer : This post is a personal matter of solicitation. Please think twice before investing your precious time in it.


 Where do I start ? I'm not exactly sure how to put this. I never thought I would be writing a letter like this to you. There were times when I thought our love would stand the test of time. It's not even your fault. I think its high time. Our relationship has been going through this rocky phase for a long time. I tried so many ways to patch it up but everything in vain. Our love is not the same now. It is not how it was before. When I first chanced upon you,  I went through a phase full of discoveries. You made me feel special. You showered your love on me. You were very caring and nice to me. I must admit, things between us had a great start ! I couldn't resist talking about you. You were my world. You taught me to explore new things. You have been my lady luck. It pains to admit this, but my love for you has faded away.

I am not writing this letter asking you to come back to me nor do I wish that you would come back to me! It's just that feeling of "how-could-you-do-this-to-me". I trusted you. Didn't I ? You are unable to trust me now, despite the fact I have never given you a reason for mistrust. I don't know. I yearned for your love. When people around me wanted you to take them on a ride ,you chose me ! How sweet was that? I would say, I was even a little proud that you chose me  ! You would stick to me no matter what. I poured my unconditional love. WE WERE PERFECT the way we were. As I am writing this, I can see nothing but the pages and thoughts from our time together. Why did you suddenly start hating me? Was it my fault? No. Was it yours? No. I agree, I did try to spend time with someone else but don't you know ? Will I ever shift places? I thought you knew me ! Now,  We just make each other miserable instead of happy, and make life harder rather than easier. It is time to call it quits and go our separate ways.

How many times we said to each other that this was over and again patched up the next second. You made me go that wild. But this time I 'm not coming back. When so many people told me that you were not worth it, I just didn't care. What mattered to me was only you. Don't tell me that you tried to make a clown out of me. You think you are the smartest person in this world and everyone else is stupid? It's not really how things are. Don't try to make a fool face out of yourselves. You better try to act humble and stop bringing the shit out of people.

 I don't know if I would get a person like you in future but I am sure to find someone better that you.  Hope you will honor my decision and not ask me to reconsider, as I have not arrived at it casually. I do not want either one of us to go through this painful process twice because I truly believe that this is the best resolution for both of us. We still have an opportunity to part quietly and with dignity, and I think we should take it now. Its time to call it off officially. My dear math, It's over.

Yeah, I am back...

Well , 2014 is almost over and I can't believe it !

It's been a while ( precisely, one year) since I wrote and posted something here.

Chuck the past. Now that I am here again, I promise to write more frequently. All these days, though I haven't posted anything here, it doesn't mean that I didn't write. I did write a looot....  I'll post few of them gradually ( Obviously, I look forward for your views and comments on them )

So then, Coming to the year end, It is always special and nostalgic at this part of the year- to look back at the days one lived and relish those beautiful moments passed by and say tata to all those not-so-good-moments.

This year has been a crrrrazzzyyyy ride for me ! 365 days ( 359, to be precise) went in a jiffy. New experiences, new friends , more presentations, more nose cuttings, more laughter, more cries , more egos, more outings, more fun activities, more teasing , more cribbing, more studies , more love .... YES ! more of eveything !

Let me recollect what 2014 meant to me.

1. THE BEST thing that happened to me in 2014 was our college trip to poovar island ( A beautiful place in Kerala backwaters) . Those 5 mornings were filled only with fun and frolic and nights with crazy dance , food , and shocking revelations. Truly ,THE BEST days ever.

2.  Secondly, friends. College friends can become your soul-mates for life (true that! ) 

-Five of us , Mansy, akshaya, kichu, deepika and yeah ,of course me . We bonded so well this year ! Touchwood, guys ! And I LOVE YOU all so much. I don't know what I would've done at MOP, If not for you guys. 

- I also made some really good friends including abi, sush, axe ,sonal, nivi, mehak ans so many ! We all had so much fun at poovar and thankful to all those bonds !

- Meena, gaya, priya : you guys know how much you mean to me and yeah a big hug from my side.

-Divya : What do we call it ? A roller coaster ride? or a devil monstrous ride ?  We went through all those not -so- good -moments and "you are my angel" moments ! No matter what, My unconditional love to you di.

Janani-  My bestie since my commerce days , we managed to meet so very often despite all the constraints and I am so happy for that ! And yeah , that first selfie in your new moto-g Nobody can meet our wavelengths. Waiting for all those unlimited plans to be executed soon. 

Akshaya: MY LOVE. You were the wall that I needed , you were the pillar of strength, you trust me more than anyone else , you heard me patiently when I cried and laughed for all my non stop mokkas, you were the first listener and editor to all my stories and creations and trust me , at this part of my life, you mean the most to me. More craziness, tears, laughs ans shocks awaiting in 2015. Be there for me.

Kichu : Laughing therapy , I should say ! Be it the worst day or the best day, you made me laugh with your silly laughter because I made you laugh with my timing jokes ( or the worst mokka, as Mansy would put it :P )
Pavithra: Yow ! scooty mate , bus mate ! You are the one soul who kept pace with my non-stop nonsense. We went through everything. Didn't we ? "Ah! What a beautiful day to ride" moments and " OMG. I was soooo close to death moments" ( blame my driving skills). I know that my pinky scooty is your lucky charm  ! We become so damn close this year that I couldn't stop telling every single story on a day to day basis.... Aries buddy ;) , waiting for more !! 

3. BYJU's Classes- No matter how much I hated to wake up on sunday mornings, I still loved these classes. Santhosh sir , RCs are so easy to crack only because of you ! My big pranams to you !

4. Bhumi- Though I didn't go for my classes this whole year ( Sistwa is being missed hugely) , I made it to the annual cultural fest nakshatra and loved being there every second. I made some really good friends this year too. Vasanth, Ganesh, Geetha akka, Vignesh , Ramya , Sharath :) Kudos to that ! 

5.  Passing away of Gayathri's dad was the not-so-good-thing happened this year. It taught me that life can take turns anytime and we should learn to live our lives to the fullest. I was heartbroken for a few days. 

6. Internship- One month spent well eating chips and sweets adding to my calorie count at IOB, RK Salai branch . Should I say anything more ?
7. Hema mam- She was another best thing that happened to me this year. An eye opener - by all means ( If you know, what I mean ) and an awesome mentor. Our class was lucky to have her. Or as she would put it , We were destined to share space with each other.. :) 
8. Music- This year was a fantastic one ! I performed a small concert at my cousin's marriage function. Learnt a decent amount of keerthanais adding to my personal favorite list of thyagaraja keerthanas. Eager to learn more in the coming years and improve my vocal skills.  

9. Coping up with stress, anger, anxiety , fear has been topping my list this year, adding to all those not-so-good-moments. With almost all exam result dates nearing and one more exam to write, Fear about the future is dancing every second in my mind. 

 

 Hoping for an eventful and fruitful year -2015 with positive results ! See you guys , Merry Christmas!

Challenge day 25

A song that reminds you of someone :)

This song reminds me so much about my friend divya :)
She gifted this movie dvd to me for one my birthdays . I love this movie and so she did !
We have watched this one insanely :) This song always reminds me of her :)

Challenge day 5

A favorite memory :

For today's challenge I am not going to scribble here. Instead, you guys got to go back a little and refer to one of my old posts here , Of the memories that rain brings.. 
Rain times remain as my best memory forever :)

I thought of posting a picture here today for Wordless Wednesday , which would go with the challenge topic as well.

How do you like this pic ?? :)

Challenge day 3

Someone you are grateful for :

If you ask this question to some random people out there, I bet you, most of them would express their gratitude to their teachers or their parents!
Yes!
I am always grateful for this one teacher because of whom I am ,what I am ,today.
There are so many teachers who have inspired me but this one man was something completely different.

It was a rainy morning and it was my first day at my new school. I was entering my sixth grade. New town, new language, new surroundings, new weather, new school! Everything was new for me that day. Though I missed my old school and friends I was really excited to meet my new class-mates. As I entered my class, I saw that a "sir" was already seated in the class. At the start of the class, I thought he would ask me to come forward and introduce myself ( as I was a new comer) but I later came to know that he was also a new comer to the school! So, he introduced himself . He said that he was our class teacher for that academic year and he would be handling history subject for us and he added that he had finished his graduation just then and it was all new for him , I mean the teaching profession. This induced a sense of belonging towards him and I really liked my teacher , just because he was also a new-comer . This was my first encounter with him.

As, days passed by I started getting inspired by him. The way he used to teach us history and civics was something very unique. Every history class would be interesting and he would take us all to a real-looking scenario. As in, if our lesson is about Chera dynasty, he would first narrate us stories of great kings, show us in the maps where they actually lived and then read the lesson in a narrative style. It all would seem very fascinating. I used to think that I should also become one history teacher some day !

Our class was the naughtiest bunch of kids ever, as our sir gave us lots of freedom to play and chit-chat. Boys of our class started misusing this freedom and turned out to be the rowdies of our school. Our sir was punished for not handling kids properly and so he was replaced by some other miss as our class teacher for the last three months. Till date, I remember how we all cried ( yes! we did) for losing sir as our class teacher and the look on his face for letting him down when we were given that much freedom. After all, he was our loving teacher ! Somehow, we finished sixth grade and it was time for summer holidays. Each of us prayed hard the entire holidays that we should get our history sir as class-teacher for seventh grade. God only knows, how we had the belief, despite doing such a lot of naughty stuffs.

God had really answered our prayers. Our new class teacher was our history sir ! Tears of joy came rolling down. We promised to him that we will be obedient this year and will never lose him at any cost. We kept up our words and really worked hard academically to improve our class's "name" in the school.

He encouraged all of us to take part in several competitions and would give our names by himself ( without even asking us). That's how one day I was informed that I am going to take part in a national-level history quiz and I wondered why sir gave my name but i was all excited. It was the first time I was taking part in a quiz competition. I worked hard to prove myself. Guess, what? I got third pace in my district .. This was where I was totally spell-bound ! He had made me achieve something out of my box ! He truly inspired me. He even fought with me for not getting first rank in the class during my last mid term examination. Usually I was the one who use to get first rank in the class and when he found that my performance had dropped , he was upset! Was I not responsible for this ?? I took it up as a challenge and studied well for my final exams.

After my exams were over , i had got the first place and received my certificate of appreciation. I guess, if not him I wouldn't have cared to study sincerely.... but this was not the thing which made me remember him forever. On the day of my seventh grade results , he gave me a picture of mine which he had drawn ! ( a picture of mine , as if I am writing something - the exact exam time posture) Can you believe it ? I knew he was a great artist but I never knew that he could draw so beautifully. Why did he choose to draw my picture ? I don't have the picture with me now. I gave it to one of my friends and she never gave it back :( but that drawing is still in my memory , new and fresh.

 Isn't this enough to be grateful for him forever?? I am still in contact with him and truly respect him as my most beloved teacher ever , Anil sir :)

From left : Usha ( my friend) , anil sir and myself.

I really like this picture which I took on my recent visit to his place.  Such a happy picture. Isn't it ??

Soaking into longing memories :)

There was time, when studying meant just listening to teacher's lecture at school and all the other time would be spent playing with nature and friends. We were a set of seven , all  belonging to almost similar age group 10-13 .You know, going to school was never a burden then. If you get a day off at school, then it was the time for our parents to search us since we used to get lost into the woods!! We did this purposefully...Oh ! How I miss those times when we lived with fruits and water and stolen biscuits from our houses ! I miss the house that we built for ourselves. How crazy we used to be ! Then, there was this one movie named  Mungaru male. It was a Kannada blockbuster of 2006 :)

It was the first movie which all of us watched together in a theater. We had only 2 theaters in our town ! Imagine? 7 kids, (literally we were kids only no? ) going to a movie all by ourselves ,without parents. Ah ! what fun it was :) :) Ticket cost was only 20 bucks for one BALCONY seat. It was a tear jerking movie, indeed ! all the characters and songs still remains evergreen :) I should probably pat myself because I can sing along those songs without a single mistake in the lyrics even now. How can I escape myself from getting soaked into tears when such memories cross your mind? Listening to those songs for the Nth time now.
Here are few of the them... Watch them :) You too might like them :)

Of the memories that rain brings....

Yesterday ,it was raining heavily here , at Chennai, which is the sole reason for this post .
Rain always brings back a jar of memories which I cherish for my lifetime.
I did my schooling (2nd std to 8th std) at these towns called  Shikaripura and Thirthahalli. 
Especially, the years i spent at the later one, were the best ones in my life till date. It was a typical malenadu town , where rain is your companion through out the year.
Memories were...

 Playing with paper boats like these....

 Or Rolling tyres with buddies like this....

Or Playing hide and seek for the whole day like this......

Or trying to pick jack fruits like these......

 Or tasting the ripened guavas which we stole from trees.....

 \

 Or going down the slope with a close buddy like this....

Or sharing Golgoppas like these......

Or even hot samosas like these !

Or Going to school through a path like this........

That too in an OMNI van like this....

Going to a school like this....

And eating ice candies like these... :)

Or spending time at tunga river with friends and family......

Watching at Tunga bridge daily and praying for heavy rains and holidays ! :) :) :)

These are all super cute :) :) aren't they?????
Couldn't resist myself from sharing this post........... :)
Hope you liked the post ! Have a nice day :) :).
P.S : all images courtesy- google.

First one :)

The day has finally arrived. I have been waiting for months, to publish my own blog post. I finally decided to give it a shot today ! This gives an amazing feeling. So, what made me kick start my blog today ?

It was an unknown grief that had suddenly hit me because my bestesttt friend for life time , Shalini, got married today who was more than a beloved sister to me.She knew me since i was a small kid or rather i knew her since the DAY 1 i made my entry to this beautiful earth. She is one of the twin sisters with whom i grew up all my life, till now! 

An old picture of shalini and malini :)

My every summer vacation would be spent at their home.My grand mum's home was also in the same apartment where they lived, so everyday would a sleepover feast. Both of them are six years older than me but i never i felt the age difference as a hindrance between us. They used to play with me on and on and on until i got restless. My mum , a math teacher, used to take home tuition for neighborhood children . These two and their elder brother also joined the tuition class since their mum was working and she needed an avenue to keep their children safe. My mum was pregnant when they joined classes....and later i was born. My mum and their mum really got close, as the time went off, since they lived in the same street and that's how both our families came to know each other.

If I turn back at my life now, I can see them as a wholesome part of my life . Right from the SHAKTIMAAN days,to the FACEBOOK days. In case you don't know about  shaktimaan, click here

I learnt all kinds of indoor games only at their home. Cards, carom-board, ludo, chinese-cheekers, Business, pictionary.... the list is endless. We share a loooooot of good memories together and a few bad ones too !  I miss those days i spent with them, roaming with them in their TVS 50. I miss the N number of boli stall visits, the zurrrrr nu adikra pens ,our mad rush to play wwf cards, collecting the RED SEEDS from velu street( this is a special memory which we share and is hard to explain) , multiple visits to satyanarayana temple during my tenth grade holidays,the prayers i do for them during exams and vice versa, music class fun, paruppu saadham we ate,...... the story never ends.

Today, when both of them are married and away from me, though we can connect virtually, it really seems hard to digest. I wish , I could rewind back time and live those day again for a change ! I have never expressed my emotions towards them and i think this a great way to do so. Dedicating my first blog to both of you ! Have a happy married life :)

Congrats, SHALU :)